Impossible!!

Okay so I am reading an article about putting your muscles to the test to see how strong they are....hmm I knew better I should have just ran far far away!! Put no I thought sure I can do these things no problem. First test push ups- how many push-ups can you do in one minute. My thought-one minute no problem I can knock that out with no trouble I used to do push ups all the time yeah sure that was what 12 years ago and 80 lbs lighter but whats the difference right??? So I got ready got my watch I am in position and one, okay that was tough but I can totally do this and two...go go go I can do this wait I am supposed to be able to push back up right....push....are my arms supposed to be shaking like this? Okay now go for three, four....oh I really need a break but the paper said don't stop...how long has it been surely my minute it up...what only 12 seconds have gone by...surely that was 1 minute and 12 seconds right??? So I push myself 5, 6 now I really need a break my arms hurt so bad. You know some people do push ups with their baby under them so they can talk to them while they are doing their push ups.....I would have crushed my little one. Still 30 seconds left so I have to keep going because the thing said ONE MINUTE...this is the longest minute of my entire life, this must be a trick!!! Can't I just add what I did for the first 30 seconds and come up with the total for what I would have done had I gone the entire minute??? Okay so I didn't do that, I did complete the minute and I did 10 push ups. Put I can hardly push myself back up to get of the floor does that one count to? You know that was yesterday and my arms still hurt. The article said 10 - 15 push ups your doing good 15-20 you are great. Hey I am so happy to be in a good range, I felt so good about that its on to the next test. Curl ups--okay so when I was a size three cheerleader I couldn't even do one complete curl up but why don't I punish myself and see what I can do many sizes bigger and four kids later. I get all set in the "correct" position I get my watch and get ready to start my minute (what was I thinking????) and GO.....grrrrr and I didn't move, so I tried again and still I am not going any where. Okay the article said touch elbows to the knee but my head is barely coming off the ground and now my neck hurts and only 5 seconds have gone by...what to do what to do. I looked around made sure no one was watching and got myself off the floor and pretended that the last 5 seconds never happened. The third test checks the muscles flexibility but now I am very gun shy I am not sure that I want to know what this one says since I got a big zero on the last one. The article gives all these instructions...with a yard stick or measuring tape sit with your feet 12 inches apart legs straight out in front of you put the yard stick with the 0 closet to the body and 15 inches at the heel. Interlock your thumbs breathe in and exhale as you stretch to see how far down the yard stick you can reach and hold for 10 seconds. 12 -16 is in the healthy range. I could reach and hold at the 19 so I thought wow on flexibility if the other is in the healthy my muscles must be super healthy right?? So I kept reading and it said there are no health benefits for being able to reach farther than that. Now that my bubble has busted, and I now know that I am a Super stretchy freak that can't do any curl up (not even one) and lets not even talk about push ups I think it is time for bed.